For the Nights I Can't Remember
by WiddleWombat
Summary: Leah loses her will to live after losing everything only to find that she too is a wolf from the legends. One fateful night she is saved from herself by Emmett, the widowed vampire Cullen brother. As a bond forms between them she hopes for a happily ever after in a most unlikely place. - entry for the FAGEY McFAGEINGTON THE 5th fic exchange.


**FAGEY McFAGEINGTON THE 5th**

_Title: For the Nights I Can't Remember_

_Written for: 4CullensandaBlack u/1898022/_

_Written By: Widdle Wombat_

_Beta'd By: BusyMommy_

_Banner By: Suprgirlc_

_Rating: T_

_Prompt used: Leah and Any Cullen guy: Lyrics: For The Nights I Can't Remember by Hedley: 'And I do wanna love you, And I do wanna try, Because if falling for you is crazy, then I'm going out of my mind, so hold back your tears tonight.'_

_Summary: Leah loses her will to live after losing everything only to find that she too is a wolf from the legends. One fateful night she is saved from herself by Emmett, the widowed vampire Cullen brother. As a bond forms between them she hopes for a happily ever after in a most unlikely place._

**oooOOOooo**

I love the spray of the ocean, I always have. There's something wild about how the waves crash against the cliff, almost like a chilling reminder for how deadly the seas can be. I know it's dangerous to come to this place, but I've set things in motion and it's too late to back out now. I need to be waiting for him, in case he comes. I hope he does. Please let this work out for me, for us.

I don't know if it was fate that he was here that night. I wasn't in a good place. I haven't been in a good place for a very long time. I was still reeling in agony from the pain of a break up; hating the wolf legends and blaming it entirely for why my darling fiancé had abandoned me.

"It's not his fault", I was told. "Don't blame him for what he feels, it's the wolf inside of him."

"He was destined to love her; you need to let him go."

"Why can't you just be happy for them?"

I could never be happy for him, for her, for them. I get that it's not their fault, but it doesn't make accepting the pain any easier. I tried to run away that night. Run far away, away from the crazy men who turn into wolves – protecting us from some stupid vampires who don't eat humans anyway. That was the night I first phased. I had become one of them and it was too late to escape.

They all heard me of course. Our minds were connected and I couldn't escape it. The things they always thought but never had the guts to tell me were suddenly at the forefront of my mind, day in and day out. I hated the invasion of privacy. I hated having to see Sam and Emily so happy in his mind's eye. I hated that my thoughts were as good as spoken aloud. I hated it all.

I hated it all for so long that it drove me to crazy extremes. I tried everything to get a bit of separation. A little bit of peace. Some quiet in my head. Some place where I wasn't a part of the pack and I was just me again. I tried approaching the Cullen's for the first time in my life. I knew from Jake that Edward could read minds. I cornered him and his brother, Emmett, out hunting and begged him to tell me how he found peace from the internal dialogue. His answer was Bella. He found love, and peace followed. Of course; fucking fairy tales. He looked at me that night with so much pity; the look in his eyes replayed a thousand times over the following days as everyone in the pack analysed my actions. It was too much.

On these same cliffs I decide to find eternal peace.

He catches me that night. It had to be nothing short of a miracle, or so I thought at the time. How am I to know he's been watching over me since that day in the forest?

That night everything stopped. Everything. I'm sure for a moment even my heart stops. He bundles me into his arms like a rag doll and jumps easily down to the place where the waves crash most violently. I remember thinking at the time what was the point of catching me mid jump if you're going to drown me anyway? He's surprisingly surefooted, despite the dark. I feel safe in his arms.

Eventually we settle someplace cool and dry. When he sees me on my feet I stumble at first, before shaking myself dry. I blush, realising how animalistic my instincts are in the presence of company. He doesn't seem to notice.

"Are you cold?" It's the very first time I hear his voice, like liquid gold washing over me. Warmth I hadn't known in a long time blooms deep inside of me and I gaze at him in awe. Are these feelings because of him? A calmness I've never known before in my life takes over and I feel complete somehow. So much so that I fail to answer his question.

"Are you cold? You must be cold. I'm sorry I got you all wet just now…"

His chatter brought me swiftly back to reality. "No, I'm fine. I don't feel the cold at all." I assure him, with a gentle touch to the arm.

He feels it too and pulls away. He regards me curiously before sitting down cross legged at the mouth of the cave. Oh, we're in a cave. How the?

He begins to talk again. "I don't feel the cold either. And you've got to get a little wet to get here. I think it's worth it though. I like it here."

I inspect my surroundings more thoroughly. We're definitely someplace near the La Push cliffs, it smells like home. Yet it's a place I have never been before.

"Where are we?" I approach him cautiously and sit beside him, mimicking his cross-legged pose.

"One of my old hunting caves. It's hard to get to now because the entrance is underwater. It wasn't like this last time we lived here, though. Not that I mind, it means I'm probably the only one left around here who knows of it and the others don't like seafood so much, anyway. I like to get away and hide out here sometimes."

"Why did you bring me here?" I guess it's the question burning at me the most.

He regards me softly before replying. "Don't think I don't know what you were trying to do just now." He shakes his head almost mournfully. "I've wanted to find a way to reach out to you without scaring you away and I guess tonight you forced my hand. You don't seem so scared though."

"I'm not scared. Why would I be scared?"

"I'm a vampire." He says it so seriously, I can't help but giggle.

"And I'm a werewolf. I could tear your head off right here." I assure him, still giggling. He grins and pokes at me lightly.

"Just you try it then. I'm bigger than you."

I poke him back playfully until we are both laughing and wrestling. He pins me easily, but lightly. I'm as good as useless in my human form and he must know this. He laughs and releases me.

"You don't smell as bad as I imagined."

His comment catches me off guard, and I'm a little offended. Truth be told, he smells fantastic.

,Indignantly, I demand "What's that supposed to mean?" I don't smell.

He softens again and pulls me to him, burying his face in my hair. "You don't smell like wolf."

I laugh.

"So what do I smell like then?" I tease playfully.

He cocks his head to the side before taking another deep inhale of my hair. I shiver involuntarily as his nose touches my head again. I think I like this.

"You smell like girl. Kind of like human girl, but different."

His assessment is utterly ridiculous and we both end up laughing. And so that's how we passed the night. Talking; chattering away about nothing; laughing. A few times we touched on rougher subjects. He wanted to know why I'd tried to jump; I'd listened to him tell me about the night his mate, Rosalie, had been killed. I had been there at the time, heard his anguished scream in the middle of the fight. That damned Bella and her damned baby. Rosalie had sacrificed herself to protect the baby; making Emmett the only other creature I knew who could identify with my pain. Not only did he lose his mate; he lost her because she chose to love someone else more than him.

I don't know at what point I fall asleep; but it's the most relaxed and peaceful sleep I've ever had – with my head buried in the crook of a vampire's arm.

Emmett wakes me softly the next morning. He says they're looking for me. Calling out, he could hear them with his superior vampiric senses. They'd found my satchel at the top of the cliffs and were expecting the worst. It's odd though. I can't hear them in my head, not at all. When I walk into my living room later that day, everyone is stunned; Sam most of all. They've already begun preparing my funeral. Nice to know I was worth looking for.

"We couldn't hear you."

"It could only mean that you were dead."

"Wait… I can't hear her now. Can anyone hear Leah?"

Dumbasses, I think to myself. I hope they did hear that. It would serve them right.

"No. Hey Leah, think of something."

Dumbasses, I think again.

"Is she dead? Like a zombie maybe?" I reach out and clipp my little brother around the ears for even saying such things.

"Maybe she's not a wolf anymore?"

I lose my temper.

"Is it so hard for you all to believe that maybe your stupid little wolf legend is broken?" I shout, anguished at their lack of care for my wellbeing. Their precious legend comes first. No one asks what happened; no one seems to care that last night could have been my last in this life. Shaking in rage, I phase and run.

**oooOOOooo**

That was three months ago now. So much has changed since then. I can still phase and run with the pack, but I'm separate somehow. I no longer hear and see the thoughts of the others and in turn, they can't read me. I'm stoked. It makes life bearable again.

Plus, I have Emmett and no one else knows. We meet a few times a week; always at our cave. He isn't welcome in La Push because of the treaty but the pack can't follow his scent underwater to our cave. No one ever knows he's here so often. His family never imagined he would cross the treaty line; they never come looking for him. He says they assume he's still mourning his mate and never hassle him about his long nights away.

Tonight though, things are different. I can sense it. It has been building for months, this chemistry between us. I know he can feel it too. It's the big white elephant in the room we just can't talk about. It's crazy to even imagine us together, but it's something I need to address before it drives me insane. I need to tell Emmett that he's my imprint, and I need to tell him tonight. I feel like the nervous lovesick teenager I used to be, before life became so jaded.

In the end I rely on modern technology and send a text message to his phone.

_I'm falling in love with you; please come tonight and tell me you feel it too?_

That's appropriate isn't it? Too late if it's not; I've hit send. Why did I hit send so fast? Did I use the right words? Love. It's definitely love. It feels like giddy; sickening; human type love. More than mating; more than imprinting; I love him. I do. Oh God. What have I done? What if he doesn't feel the same way?

I push my doubts aside and tuck my satchel safely under a rock before making the perilous climb down to where I can dive for our cave entrance. The spray of the ocean blasts over me, the sea is wild tonight with the impending storm. It seems fitting.

Inside the cave, I settle down to wait . . . and wait. I have no concept of how much time has passed. It feels like hours, but I know time drags when you are waiting for something – or someone. It's probably only been minutes, I chide myself, and settle patiently at the cave entrance to continue my silent vigil. This will be the best spot to see him first, when he clears the water. I stare into the dark water until my eyes start to tire. Maybe I could lie down for a bit. If I tried to nap, time would go faster and surely if he came and I was asleep, he would wake me? I think even the sound of the splash when he surfaces would wake me. Napping sounds like a good option.

I curl up dog-like and try not to focus on my insecurities again while I take a nap.

I wake what has to be hours later, alone. What exactly did my text say? I specifically said to only come if he felt the same way. What if he never comes because he doesn't feel the same way? I would be too humiliated to return to life if he rejects me. I figure one day they'll find my bones in this cave. Or maybe after I've been missing a few weeks, Emmett would be kind enough to retrieve my body so my mother doesn't have to worry so much. It would be awkward for him though, explaining how he knew where to find me.

I think perhaps it's been a day. I'm getting hungry. In the darkened cave, it's impossible to tell how much time has passed by the position of the sun. The fresh air filters in through many little nooks in the rocks, but there is absolutely no sunlight.

He doesn't feel the same way.

I begin to cry.

**oooOOOooo**

"Oh you silly girl," I hear his voice wash over me as I'm pulled in to his arms. "Have you any idea how far I had to run tonight to get to you?" He kisses my forehead while I blink my tears away. "We were hunting in Alaska!"

I try to talk but my voice is hoarse from crying. I swallow a few times and try to force my question out again. "So you DO love me?"

He cradles me close and sings to me softly.

"_And I do wanna love you,_

_And I do wanna try,_

_Because if falling for you is crazy,_

_Then I'm going out of my mind,_

_So hold back your tears tonight."_

As he finishes singing and holds me close; humming the chorus over and over, I realise the impossibility of our situation. But he loves me and he wants to try, and that's all I needed to hear tonight.

**oooOOOooo**


End file.
